Bergsonist Résiste
“So much good music has emerged out of this pandemic, you can feel the resistance just through the sound.” Selwa Abd, who produces music as Bergsonist, has been at the forefront of that hyper-creativity, releasing new tracks on a weekly basis, while running her other digital projects. Of course, something has been missing: meeting friends, falling in love and freeing herself from her online sphere. But that’s what resistance is about: “believing in yourself, staying resilient, being patient, staying productive” and getting ready for the brighter days to come.
Photo by Tyler Jones
NOUVEAU YORK: A recurrent first question for our times: How have you been?
SELWA ABD: I’ve been doing well. The past few months were hard as I lost my dear aunt Mouna. I had to step back a bit from social media, it was very hard as we rely on social media to communicate with friends. Then I got impersonated by an online hater. It really bothered me, but realized life must continue… at some point a boomerang called Karma will happen.
NY: How did the pandemic impact your connection to NYC?
SA: It removed the best aspect of living in NYC. I chose to live in this city because of my friends and all the people I would meet and connect with regularly. It was hard to shift all of this to an online sphere, but I’m super excited to get the vaccine and move on, hopefully.
NY: Before moving here in 2010, what was your fantasy of New York? How did the city look in your childhood dream?
SA: I always thought that, in New York, anything was possible. I had the chance to come here when I was 8 as a tourist. I was very impressed by the city, and in the back of my mind, I think I planted the NYC seed which later led me to come here.
NY: Could you describe your first sensations when walking in the streets of New York?
SA: I was 17 and felt not scared at all, so excited for the new, so excited to go to museums… I remember feeling so alive and excited to just do things and meet new people. I also remember my first snow in the city. It was magical as I never experienced it before.
Photo by Sam Clarke
“This year’s pace was schizophrenically fast. I’m constantly working even though I'm wearing my pajamas 24-hour.”
NY: People can feel lonely when moving here. “It seems so hard to find a friend here in New York City”, as Starship Orchestra sings. Did you feel that loneliness?
SA: Absolutely. In the beginning I was alone, I enrolled in an English school to get a TOEFL [English test], so I could apply to colleges. In that school, I made a few friends, but we didn’t hang out outside of school. Then I got hospitalized and was alone for two weeks, I was at my lowest point in my life. All my dreams were crushed and I was scared that the doctor would oblige me to get a transplant, as my liver was damaged. I remember reading on the Internet that if I had a transplant I would live 10 more years max! At that time, I made a promise to myself: if I get well, I would live my life to the fullest and follow an artistic route, make music... I’m so thankful that later I actually started making music and flourished in that discipline. And, thanks to music, I met the best people I know, my friends… We never realize how lucky we are until we are super sick and understand how being healthy is the number one vector of a happy life.
NY: I am asking you about loneliness, because I have the feeling it’s really not something that bothers you. You said, when moving here from Morocco, “I was feeling hope, feeling invincible, craving for the new.” You also just like meeting and talking to people.
SA: I don’t fear loneliness, I love it actually. Before coming to the US, I was a pretty lonely person. After high school, I had a hard time staying friend with people from my French high school. Besides my brother and cousins, my family, I wasn’t hanging out with anyone. I was feeling saturated by the mentality at the time and just wanted to leave Morocco. I didn’t appreciate how the youth were obnubilated by wealth and material at the time, by how they are perceived in society. It felt shallow and restricted. I’m thankful for my family, my aunt, brother and dad. I remember hanging out a lot with them right before I left. My dad was the first one to believe in me and push me to just do what I loved. I’m sure it was hard for him to see me leaving for New York by myself with not much.
NY: How did you start building your own network of people, your own community?
SA: I remember the first years I had such a hard time! I was on the phone with my dad every day, he would motivate me to go talk to people. I was so shy! Then slowly, thanks to my classes, I started socializing and building friendships in music which came effortlessly. I never thought about it too much. Good people gravitate toward you when the connection is there. But thankfully, my intuition warned me about other people that were toxic… When I see someone behaving badly toward me, I automatically become suspicious and just stop nurturing that relationship… In my opinion, positivity attracts positivity, so it’s super important to only keep the ‘plus’ around.
NY: You said “New York is hard, but, at the same time, that struggle makes you achieve good things.” Did 2020 make New York harder, or did you take something good out of that quieter and slower pace?
SA: Financially, it was hard, but I’m so thankful for unemployment and also for all the support I received online via [online music site] Bandcamp. The agency representing me, Discwoman, also helped all the artists on their roster, friends were commissioning me… So at the end, I can’t complain. But psychologically, it was draining, as I felt obliged to keep my productivity high and be consistent with my online presence, which slowly damaged my sanity. This year was definitely weird, because I spent 90% of my time in my room in front of a screen either working on my music commissions, communicating with friends, working on my music blog Bizaarbazaar, on our project 3afak with Sanna or working on my platform Pick Up The Flow. The first few months I was also helping Music Workers Alliance. I’m grateful for the opportunity as I met really incredible people, and it felt so empowering to work with people on a common cause. Sadly, after a few months, I needed to stop and enroll in a school program, so that I can find a job by the end of this pandemic. In a nutshell, this year’s pace was schizophrenically fast. I’m constantly working even though I'm wearing my pajamas 24-hour [laughs].
Photo by Lydo Le
“I miss playing shows to a new audience that have no idea who I am, and just see their reaction live!”
NY: Your album ‘Middle Ouest’ was released on Optimo Music label a bit more than a year ago, right before we got hit by Covid. At that time, you introduced it as a “sonic autobiography”. Since its release, everything is upside down and you’ve released an incredible amount of new music. Do you feel like that album is far away already or is it still very close?
SA: ‘Middle Ouest’ is still very close. It’s the only body of art that summarizes my vision somehow. This album will always be the point of reference for my work at any given time. It’s my past, present and future. I still want to innovate, I have so many ideas and feel that I need time and resources to push my sound forward. Thanks to ‘Middle Ouest’, I got really incredible opportunities such as a commission by Janell Langford for a track for an art installation and also I got to score a Moroccan film by Samy Sidali. Meeting Samy was such a revelation, a really beautiful connection. I feel that I know him from before [laughs]. It’s weird, so easy to talk to him.
NY: ‘Middle Ouest’ brought you back to Morocco.
SA: I want to collaborate with Moroccan musicians and keep pushing everything forward and out of my comfort zone… Moroccan music is exploited by the West and most of the time musicians living in Morocco don’t get any opportunities. Some labels would release their music and get all the profits. Music festivals in Morocco are also exploitative, I really want to help people there. It’s sad that Moroccan musicians can only thrive if they get the chance to go abroad.
NY: You released an incredible amount of music last year – 22 records between April and December! – and it’s going on. It fits your own way of doing things: follow your intuition and keep it flowing. You told Bandcamp “I see making music as a functional activity, like eating oatmeal for breakfast”. What kind of connection do you have with your music after it’s released to the world?
SA: After the music is released I always feel a bit sad, because releasing on Bandcamp tends to freeze your vision in a container that sometimes doesn’t get enough ventilation. After feeling this way, I started thinking about a new approach and decided to release a few songs from Bandcamp on other digital platforms just to give them a second life and share to people that not necessarily would know of my work… I miss playing shows to a new audience that have no idea who I am, and just see their reaction live! It’s nice to keep expanding to new horizons and not stay confined in the same old fish bowl.
NY: You said “So much good music has emerged out of the pandemic, you can feel the resistance through the sound.” What definition do you give to that resistance?
SA: Resistance is all about believing in yourself, staying resilient, being patient and staying productive even though some negative forces try to pull you down the drain. Resistance is innate in human nature, it’s always a challenge but we always end up resisting something, so that we find balance.
Photo by Lydo Le
“I wrote a song called ‘We Are All Immigrants’, and realized that I shouldn’t have used this phrase, because it devalues the experiences of people who are actually enduring discriminations.”
NY: You also said that your drive comes “from being an immigrant. People don’t realize that when you come here on a visa and you always have to think about the future, you develop a stress that makes you want to do things and keep going.” It’s been 10 years you live in NYC, do you feel like a New Yorker? An immigrant? Should we all feel like immigrants when in NYC?
SA: Good question, it’s hard to answer… Long time ago, I wrote a song called “We are all immigrants”, and realized that I shouldn’t have used this phrase, because it devalues the experiences of people who are actually enduring discriminations, because they are immigrants.
NY: There is more to Selwa than Bergsonist. You define yourself first and foremost as a multi-disciplinary artist. What does the future look like?
SA: The future looks bright, I hope the vaccine works out well and that I can go back to Morocco for a while just to enjoy my family. Sadly, we lost a lot of family members this year, it’s hard to realize that life continues and we may never see loved ones again. I hope I can stay healthy and I keep pushing everything forward, whether it’s my project with 3afak with Sanna, or Pick Up The Flow for which I’m planning to create an app… There are also some plans to develop more my 3D practice, and collaborate remotely with the Moroccan film director Samy Sidali on music videos…
Selwa Picks her New York Classics
Starship orchestra, “New York New York” (1980)
“This song reminds me of when I first came to NYC, when I was 17 in 2010. I was feeling hope, feeling invincible, craving for the new. Being in NewYork was a childhood dream, but also at the time my only escape. I wanted to be as far from Morocco as possible. Also the only scholarship I got was for a school in NYC.”
George Benson, “Breezin'” (1976)
“This song reminds of life pre-covid, falling in love, feeling so happy with life, waking up, going to a coffee shop and just feeling good. Walking in the streets of New York, meeting friends… Feeling that life was good. It also reminds me when I went to the beach with friends or did other adventures in the city, such as going to the Cloisters or Upstate. I love how this song throws me back in many awesome memories, it always makes me feel fulfilled somehow.”
Lenny Fontana feat. D-Train, “Raise Your Hands” (David Morales NYC Mix, 2015)
“This music reminds me of when I started going out, discovering music via the nightlife. Getting into David Morales, Masters at Work and Louie Vega's music. It also reminds of a time I went to Output to see Timmy Regisford, one of my best nights ever. Most of the people in the club were like in their 50's, you could feel the love and appreciation they had for the music. I’m sure they were all regular to Paradise Garage back then. Seeing them dancing just filled my heart with hope and completeness, somehow I understood the power of good music, it transcends time, generations. You feel NYC in this song, so complete, perfect. The vocals make me cry every time I listen to it in a club.”
Bookworms, “African Rhythms” (2019)
“I remember finding this song on Soundcloud and I became obsessed with it. Music is magical, because months later, I met Bookworms, and now we are friends. This track also reminds me of my first days going to clubs in NY, meeting people who were pushing music forward. Bookworms is a true musical genius, undoubtedly one of my favorite NY musicians and producers. This track is really unique. Every time I listen to it, I feel the same kind of excitement.”
Via App, “Baby K Interaction” (2015)
“To me, this song depicts the year 2015 in NYC. You can just feel the energy, young musicians were putting in their craft. People were pushing boundaries, innovating in electronic music. Via App is such an incredible person and their music is also forward thinking. When I first discovered this song, I didn’t know Dylan, but would see them play live, and would just connect with their music. Same as Bookworms, shortly after we met, through friends and the rest is history.”
Aquiles Navarro & Tcheser Holmes, “Pueblo” (2020)
“This reminds me of our 3afak parties. Each night the energy would be so unique and Aquiles would come with his Trumpet and just improvise on top of what we would be playing. The crowd would go insane. The energy of those nights will always be in my heart. Another unforgettable night, is when Sanna and I deejayed for a Bernie Fundraiser back in February 2020. We knew this would be our last show for a every long time, as Covid was hitting NY. Aquiles came in the middle of our set and jammed with his trumpet. It felt like the end of times, but the trumpet brought some optimism. I remember crying and trying to wipe my tears quickly so that no one sees me. This song also makes me think of the energy people put during Covid, so much good music has emerged out of this pandemic, you can feel the resistance just through the sound.”
Amani + King Vision Ultra, “A Not So Fruitful Wealth” (2020)
“This song makes me think of NYC. Amani and King Vision Ultra are the duo of 2020 in my opinion. Makes me think of early hiphop, minimal, just pure with thoughtful thoughts. Makes me think of all my friends in NYC making meaningful art. KVU aka Geng is a friend that always keep inspiring me, weheras with his knowledge, performances, activism or ambition and faith in pushing music forward.”
