The Place Where You Belong
Which records best capture the soul of the city? New York DJ, producer and educator 4AM NYC shares five of her NY classics. This is a prelude to her interview to come.
All photos by Geoffrey Leung for Nouveau York
1.
Raekwon “ Ice Cream” ft. Cappachino, Ghost Face Killer, Johnny Blaze, Method Man, Tony Starks (Loud Records)
So check it out this record objectifies women and femmes to the ultimate degree. No holes barred. But nothing sounds more like New York to me. I go cold INSTANTLY to most rap that is sexist/misogynistic/objectifies but this record... for some magical combo of reasons it just hits me in all the right places. I listen to it from two completely different sides of my nonbinary/dual self:
One: I am Raekwon, I am Ghost Face – I'm the one on the prowl, I'm the one on the stoop watching you walk by and gettin hot – knowing I could own you. It's summer and the world is mine - you're just living in it.
Two: I hear it from the perspective of – oh y'all are hollering at ME. And even tho the shit you're saying is so raw it somehow comes across all together as pure and devout worship of the femme form. And that's hot. It's nice to be put on a pedestal. Attention feels good. Beauty and seduction is the stuff of life. I'm into it.
And this is funny to me coz in real life I typically get depressed and anxious in the summertime coz everyone's wearing less clothing (including me), people are in heat (in every way) and people are OUT. You are gonna be SEEN whether you like it or not. The harassment I experience is extreme, it's a daily struggle, and danger is real. "Ice Cream" has always been a way for me to enjoy the fantasy of that explicit love-letter attention that I do want and can enjoy at times, but in real life is more often than not threatening, unwelcome and degrading.
2.
Shai “The Place Where You Belong” (The Roxy Dub Mix) remix by Ronnie Ventura (Slow To Speak / MCA Records)
Shouts to the Dope Jams guys for putting me on to this record. It barely ever leaves my bag now. I have to consciously force myself not to play it all the time.
It's perfect. It has everything I want in a House record: sincerity, passion, tender RnB male vocals; that infectious swinging drum pattern... it gets my neck snapping immediately. The overall message is exactly what I want to know and feel always: that I belong here. I've arrived.
By contrast, that's not my lived experience:
I'm a dual citizen. I've grown up between two cities my whole life. My family is divided. I live in NYC now and my core fam’ are all in London. The house my mom grew up in in Borough Park was destroyed. My cousins are scattered – San Fran, New Zealand, LA, CT, Long Island. And I was on a particular life path when I moved to New York, but dropped out of that, got sober, and found myself starting again in the underground dance music community of Brooklyn in 2012. It was different to how it is now. I didn't fit in in the beginning coz of my fading accent and my whiteness and my femmeness. It created barriers between me, the art, people, the music. As I got better as a DJ, deeper as a digger, and people got to know me beyond appearances and vice versa, things started to shift and finally I felt like I was home again. But then the city is always changing. So much change...turn over...missing persons.
Even today – whether it's to do with work, family or love – I am always the kid who is friends with everyone and everyone fucks with me, but if they're having a sleepover on the weekend I'm not invited. I'm everything and nothing. And I've grown accustomed to that. But the core of me will never stop craving to belong to someone, to something bigger than me.
This record makes me feel that. It tells me I belong, and the harmony/melody/bassline/kick clap snare and hi hats all emphasize that. I play this out so much coz I want other people to feel that too: You've arrived - you don't have to fight anymore. I got you. We got you. Even if it's just for tonight.
3.
Nicole w/ Timmy Thomas “New York Eyes” (Old Gold)
This record HITS. Romance...sweetness...flirtation with the known and unknown. It's a slow jam. It's adult prom and you're invited. And oh god I am a SUCKER for native New Yorkers.
The record opens with Nicole asking Timmy if he's from New York, (he's not, but Nicole is hehe) and they begin this adorable, sultry, tongue-in-cheek seduction:
“You've got New York eyes, / And it won't take much to fall in love with you... /// You've got New York eyes, / And it makes me feel so good inside.”
It's cute, hopeful, romantic, SO GAY and I am HERE for it.
“They turn me on / (eyes turn me on) / Now I'm not alone / In New York”
I have the 12" that goes wild at the end with a ton of dubbing and abstraction of the vocals and all these crazy sound effects. It's everything, honestly. It helps me to remember that there is a rosey, 80's, city-lights kinda romance still left somewhere in this place - even in 2022. It's here, it could happen to you. It's scarce and fleeting, but I believe in it.
4.
Hollis P. Monroe “I'm Lonely” (Stickman Records)
Goddamn what a WEAPON. Another shout to the Dope Jams guys for this one too. I first heard this at a Halloween party they threw at Good Room in 2015 and Maurice Fulton (the GOAT) was headlining.
I had been at the party for a few hours – it was packed. The decorations were horrific and hilarious. People were having fun. The crowd was completely unpretentious. Maybe it was 2amish who knows – I was in the middle of the floor, they had fogged the room up so much so you couldn't see your hands in front of your face, and then they set off the strobes just as the record peaked after that classic build-up, and it was a T I M E. The first time I ever screamed my guts out in reaction to a musical experience because I was literally caught up in the rapture and had no other premeditated way to respond. Totally primal. I was stunned and so grateful.
That moment and this record became a benchmark of experience for me from then on. If a night doesn't build to that level or deliver that level of joy at some point (hopefully many points), then it's not 'it'. Everything clicked. I continued with my work.
5.
Lil’ Louis & The World “Club Lonely” ft. Miss Joi Cardwell (Epic)
“MISS THING, *snap* THERE IS NO GUEST LIST TONIGHT.”
Period the end. Go home.
The glamor, the outrage. The drama, the anticipation. Cunt cunt cunt!
“OH... OH... OH...”
So yes Lil' Louis is from Chicago and his sound is arguably Chicago, but let's just get on the same page here and understand that this record is timeless and exists in the universal club – wherever the club may be. NOT to detatch it from it's intrinsic roots – no – but just to honor the unifying nature of the record overall. The sound. The message. This is a New York record for me. It reminds me of everything I love about nightlife – (and i need that reminder daily in 2022): What I loved right from the start when I was underage and going to nasty 'clubs' in Reading, UK; when I was a fashion student running out into the night d r e s s e d head-to-toe to attend some drag show or industry function in London; when I first started dancing in NYC at The Loft and Joy as a sober underground disciple over 10 years ago.
Also this is a SONG. It's not a track. It has valleys and peaks, and a narrative that runs through it. It has chapters. I always choose songs over tracks in all genres of music.
And, again, that theme of Belonging. This record speaks to the same things that Shai's joint does. Like: 'Hey how you doin? Come with me, I know this place I think you'll like it – you look like you need a good night out. Your boss is on your back? You lost your girl? You're down to your last dime? This is where your people are at, you have somewhere to go. Something to do that'll help you get to the next step.'
“...so you come to laugh and hide down at The Lonely”
I wish someone would open a club in NYC and call it The Lonely!
And make me a resident. For the love of god!
